he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
