so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
two words...techno handjob
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
