She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Still dying that you shit outside
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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