i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize