Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
