Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
