I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
