i would punch a child for taco bell
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
