3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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