i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
