I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't think brook has ever known best
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
