apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
