I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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