I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
