I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
