It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize