this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
