it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
