btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
