Got a toothbrush?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
