I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize