Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
