Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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