Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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