I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
