I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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