I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
