I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
