My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
