Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
