Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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