u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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