So drunk its hurt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
