I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
