WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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