My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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