Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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