I just pynch a tree in the face
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
