Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
