i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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