i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
