i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
