apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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