I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
