it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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