The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
