Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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