How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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