when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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