smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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