I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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