You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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