I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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