Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
