I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize