But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize