Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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