sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
