I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
