he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
