We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
