I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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