remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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