drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
