Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
