OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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