How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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