I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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