this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Enjoy the penises
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
