on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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